July!

It's my birthday this week! About a month ago I celebrated my "new" birthday.  It's been three years since my gall bladder was removed and my life was saved due to a handsome, young doctor that remembered something that had been done fifty years prior that he'd once seen in a book.  I have NO doubt that his remembering that was an answer to many, many prayers!  Well, as I've mentioned before, I am so grateful for being saved, and sometimes wonder why I was saved, what I'm supposed to be doing. 

For whatever reason the build up to this birthday has not been so fun.  I've been annoyed with not being at the place I always dreamed I'd be at, at this point.  However, at the same time, I'm extremely thankful for the opportunities that I've been given.

So, I have had no idea of what I wanted for my birthday.  Guess what I decided on... a bike!  It's been forever since I've ridden one!  I got one today.  It's small, and the guys at the store kept saying I needed a taller one.  I couldn't reach the ground on any taller ones.  So, I'm going to ride my little bike!

So, sometimes I'm amazed what people say to each other.  For example, people post whatever they have on their brains on Facebook, when they really wouldn't say that in real life.  Well, remember Mr. D from here, over time he's popped out with some amazing things, and I'm saying amazing, not in a good way.  Well, I've had the chance to hear from Mr. D., Jr.  Now, I'm not going to say he's anything like Mr. Darcy of Pride and Prejudice, still a great guy though, but he is an awful lot like the Mr. D that I know.  These men are so concerned about where they are, that they're not getting married, that they're not meeting any women that are exactly 3 1/2 years younger than them (okay, so I'm exaggerating on the 3 1/2, but it's close), etc.  If they'd just let things happen, and not be so stressed about it, it would work out. Another thing, while relaxing and not getting so stressed about the above mentioned things, people really need to let go of what they have pictured for themselves, because the Lord may have something [or someone] way better than they're expecting prepared for them and their circumstances, whatever they may be.  Everyone has a past and everyone has issues, you need to let that other person in the "maybe relationship" have a say, whether they're able to deal with those issues or not, not just decide on your own.  It's a right that he's taken away from her or vice versa.  Another thing is that these Mr. D characters just talk and talk, not even aware that they're telling you all of these things that, although you were prepared to hear, may be affecting you personally!  Sort of like you don't matter, and I guess you don't.  So weird!

I've decided that besides all of the obvious reasons why being married, as man and wife, is important and should be happening, is the communication that being on your own lacks.  Men and women think so differently, and that is such a blessing in so many ways!  As a couple, you can discuss anything and everything, and you can let each other know when you're stepping out of reality.

For example, I'm a prime example of this!  I go on a date, it's super fun, then I don't hear anything from him for a week or so.  At first, I'm totally fine with that.  By that week mark/ week and a half mark, I have totally convinced myself that I've ruined everything, and I'm second guessing every little thing I remember saying or that I did something wrong or said something that could've possibly been read wrong, etc.  So, I'm a mess by this point!  Then I finally have to talk it out with someone, obviously not the person I should actually be talking it all out with, because apparently he hates me at this point :)  See... Craziness!!!  However, talking it out, I realize that yes, I've gone a little overboard, and need to relax.  See, they're concerned and scared, and so are we.  I think this dating stuff stinks at this stage of the game.  It's hard!  I so wish people would not read too much into things, and over think things, and just have faith.  I don't know why it's so hard, but it is definitely hard!

I think the same thing applies in many other situations, how you feel about work, how you feel about church, how you feel about your family.  If you have these inner discussions with yourself for too long without feedback from someone that's distanced from the situation, you're going to get stuck in a rut you don't want to be in.  If you're not happy with an aspect in your life, pray about it.  Pray long, and hard, and be hopeful, and keep moving!

Wow!  That was quite the tangent!  I've just been around so many different situations lately. Some have been things involving me, some are things that I get to hear about, since people like to share these kinds of stories with me!  My heart just hurts at times for these great people that are struggling!

Anyways!  I have six hours of work, 3 hours of piano, and then I'm off for the rest of the week!  I'm thrilled!  Hope everyone has a great 4th!  I'm proud to be an American, even though my heart is breaking for some of the changes and struggles that our country is facing!  I'm grateful for the freedoms that we have, and those men and women that fight and have fought for that freedom!

Really?!, again!

I've been super chatty on here lately, don't know why, but sometimes you just gotta get it off your shoulders and move on.  Well, I do know what got my juices flowing.  I went out to breakfast with one of my good friends last weekend, and we have a lot of similar ideas.  She has worked with a mid-singles program down south, and so we got together to discuss new ideas, new needs, things to jump start people into progressing.

My mind has wandered over some of the things we talked about, the needs we see.  I, apparently, am one that people like to delve their secrets to.  I'm not going to give away any of their secrets, or mention any names, because they trust me, and I wouldn't ever want to lose their trust.  However, I may discuss, in general some of these things.

I've mentioned before how people like to tell me their dating problems, and want me to give suggestions, and help them out.  I must have some kind of sign that says "Relationship Coach Here" with an arrow pointing at me.  In the beginning, I would hear tons of things from women.  I now hear it from both sides, and it's weird. 

On a side note:  I do not agree with the women that bash on men, treat them poorly, or baby them the whole time.  I believe men have an amazing potential, and if they're going to ever live up to that potential they need to be treated with respect.  There's nothing more annoying than seeing a wife putting down her husband, treating him like he's an idiot, etc.  It makes me want to... well, to be honest, I think they need a swift kick in the rear.  Being a single, LDS woman, living where the norm is to get married at 18, and being 32, I think to myself that these women have NO freaking idea how lucky they are!  I know there are things that the whole world doesn't get to see in your relationship, but the whole world shoudn't have to hear and see you treating your husband like he's an idiot.  However, MEN, grow up!  Not all men, as I've previously mentioned, there are a great many men out there that are amazing!  Okay... done with that ranting!

Okay, back to the story.  I have people that confide in me inner secrets that a) if they're telling me, they better be thinking we're more than mere "acquaintances", b) I question why, what drives them to inform me (especially when they're big, and I can't be telling others to relieve that weight), and they don't seem to think we have any sort of relationship (relationship, not as in love, but relationship as in trust, friends, able to talk), and c) if they expect me to be able to hear all of it, and live forever knowing it, then they sure as heck better step up and be willing to help me when I ask them a favor or listen to me when I need to vent.

In the fall, I was told something that weighed me down, immensely!  I couldn't sleep that night, because I was so stressed about it.  My TMJ was insane for like the next week, granted there were other stresses that week, but that was a major part of it all.  In fact, since then, generally any conversation with Mr. D, we'll call him, leads to me rubbing my face and taking 6 aspirin.  I've considered Mr. D a good friend, for quite some time, and when we have disagreements, I find myself not sleeping.  Why?  I couldn't tell you!  I know that we're not ever going to be more than the person that he feels comfortable confiding in, and then not talking to for weeks.  It's selfish! 

This is leading me to the pet peeve of the moment... Communication or lack thereof!  I, personally, know that I need to work on improving my communication skills.  You can read about my communication insecurities here.  (It won't let me link you directly to that exact post, but it was a couple days ago.)  Anyways, I think that people don't know how to communicate well.  I think that texting, emailing, facebooking, etc. have all made people not know how to communicate.  A few months ago, a neighbor was over, and he was talking about how his brother works late hours, because then he doesn't have to be communicating with his significant other, because unless he's talking about himself, he doesn't know how to do it.  I for one would much rather text or email than call.  Calling terrifies me, pretty sure I've mentioned that before :)

I was riding home from Salt Lake with a guy, and he was great to talk to... IF... we were discussing him, his work, his family... anything else was so uncomfortable.  Then, again, there are the dates that you feel like you're on a job interview... 20 Questions is only fun, if they're not being fired at you one after the other, after the other.  Ask a question, let her answer, then answer it for yourself.  There is one guy I went out with a couple times, other than him knowing that I love ReAL, which he could've known from facebook, as well.  I don't think he could tell you one thing he learned about me, that he couldn't have learned by checking facebook or watching my interactions when I'm in front of everyone.  We went to a concert in Salt Lake, and the entire ride down, I said maybe two sentences, other than "uh-huh..." or "that's funny."  On the way home, I said "uh-huh" three times, THREE!

Then there is the girl that thinks she is being funny, by saying with a laugh how stupid someone is.  It's not nice.  You know things might not be as they seem, there, either, but putting someone down never makes you look good.

Then there's the person that's a "friend" that knows the ways to break down my walls.  He can tell they're up, and he knows the words to say to break them down, until I'm completely exposed, and then pulls a zinger out!  Really?!  What's the purpose?

Anyways, I'm going to be working on my communication skills!

Remember my dating post from last February?  Read here.  There are men out there that totally surprise me with how unaware, mean, rude, etc. they can be.  However, I'm not going to talke about that tonight.  I'm going to talk about the crazy women out there!

The other night I was at Cheesecake Factory after a midsingles temple night.  I happened to end up sitting in a booth with a group of men.  Fun for me :)  One guy had all of these abilities and experiences, and one of the other guys asked him why he wasn't married.  I thought it was kind of a funny conversation, because I've only had that sort of conversation with women.  So, guy A, with the experiences said he's ready to be married, but it's just not happening yet.  He said that he has moments when he thinks I could totally marry this girl, but he waits 6 months, and by that time the girl stops her fake behavior and then she's not what he wants, or she lies about her beliefs/standards, even to talking about how great her ward is, just to fine out that she's not a member of the church after dating for a while.  Listening to this, I just thought, OH.MY.GOSH!  I can't stand women like that!  These stupid women are out there ruining things for all these other great women!  I'm grateful that I'm not one of those women.  I'm the same person whether I'm dating someone or being in front of people or being by myself. 

Then there is the girl that is the total charmer.  She loves to have a following, she loves to have a following of men and women.  She's a great communicator, makes you feel like you are so important.  She goes out with lots of men, and sucks them right in.  She then opens up to them, some, and they open up a ton!  They tell her all of their past things, good or bad, and then she takes what they say, and use that information to warn other women.  So not a good situation!  Once again, the men are being chased away from decent women, because the men are wary about opening up, again; and don't want to be around women that that one woman may have been around.

Then there are all of the girls that are negative and put down EVERY guy they run into.  Really?!  I have to say that people are going to act the way they're being treated.  If you treat them like they're dumb, they're going to act like it with you. 

People deserve to be treated wonderfully!  Men, women, everyone needs to be treated with respect!  Be honest.  Be careful.  Be someone that someone can trust! 

Watch or read this.  It's a great message!

Akston...

I have a new nephew!  He was born on tuesday.  He's darling, and was cuddly when I last saw him.  He's been in NICU since wednesday morning early, so I've seen some pictures of him.  He looks a lot like his biggest brother.  The nurse that helped in the delivery, said she was trying to be all professional, but the second he came out, she was like,  "holy cow!  That's a little Collin!"  Way cute!  I'll post a picture later, gotta get little Ford off to school!

Really!?

So, I have two confessions:  1.  I secretly want to own a bakery.  2.  I secretly want to be a motivational speaker.  The first one is probably not that big of a secret, since I love baking, and any chance I get, I take advantage of it.  The second one, I would imagine is a secret and probably a surprise, seeing as how I don't do much talking as it is.  I rarely have chances to speak, and when I do, I stress for forever about it beforehand.  However, when I'm up there, and actually speaking, I find I quite enjoy it. 

So, I'm not going to go on about a business plan for owning a bakery, but I am going to discuss this motivational speaker idea.

This thought came to me sometime since Grandma died, so in the last 14 months.  I've observed midsingle women, and how they act, and just want to tell them how wonderful they really are, and give them a boost of self confidence. I want them to see how Heavenly Father sees them, and get past how they see themselves. I want to point out the things I see them doing, that aren't doing them any favors.  Now, in my circumstances, obviously I don't have the answers, at least I don't have the answers for me.  I'm not saying any of this, for people to feel sorry for me or to have people ask "what can I do to help you get married," that approach doesn't work and makes things worse.  Who wants to be a midsingle?  I want to be a wife and a mom more than anything in the world.  It's not my timing that matters, it's the Lord's timing that matters.

I have the opportunity to be a leader of an LDS midsingles organization.  Being the leader is challenging, fun and sometimes hard.  For whatever reason, people think they can come to me, and I'll have all of the answers to make their dating lives better.  Hello, I'm in the same circumstance, I don't have the answers, or I wouldn't be in the same circumstance.  It's made me feel inadequate, that I don't have any answers or suggestions for them. 

There are many situations and stories that I've been told, and I'm going to share some of them. I'm omitting any names to protect the innocent :)  I hope no one is offended by me sharing their stories.

There's the let's go get a frozen yogurt, because you're not worth me spending an extra $15 and actually taking you to dinner.

 

Picture Joe Jr. from While You Were Sleeping.  Ick!  Here is this guy that thinks he's pretty dang cool, not catching on at all that she's not interested, no matter what she says, he's still pretty certain there's something wonderful going on.

Another version of Joe Jr.:  "You know Pops would knock the rent down; I could move in with you."  Someone who says, "Let's go to the park first, and depending on how that goes, I might buy you dinner."
 

Then, there's the guy that talks your ear off for forever, and you can tell is missing a few things up stairs, and asks, "Aren't you going to ask me for my number?"  Hello!  If you want her to talk to you on the phone, ask for hers!  Then, followed up by telling her friends, unknown to him, that she's not his type, but would be great for networking, to introduce him to her cute roommates.

Then we have this guy, "You're pretty, but I'm not gonna lie, I don't like weight on anyone... Especially me."  Would you look at that guy?  Of course he's funny, but really?!

Then we have the guy with the Gaston complex!  Thinks he's everyone's gift, and loves going out with a different girl every night.  Hello, do you have any depth to you at all? 

Then we have Mr. Darcy.  Mr. Darcy appears to be the cream of the crop, a little stand offish to some, but a charmer when he wants.  He needs to humble himself, take the pride down a notch or two.  Remember the scene where he's telling Elizabeth he loves her; he loves her against his better judgement.  He just keeps rambling, digging himself into a deeper hole, wounding her pride (what little she had, in real life.  Not that the midsingles' version of Mr. Darcy is professing love to anyone, he just gives excuses.)

These are just a small portion of the stories I've heard or experienced. I don't know why I've been called to lead the midsingles, I do know that this is where Heavenly Father wants me to be, and hopefully, with time, obviously not my time, I'll know why, and have a better picture.  Until then, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing.  Thanks for reading my rantings!