Really?!, again!

I've been super chatty on here lately, don't know why, but sometimes you just gotta get it off your shoulders and move on.  Well, I do know what got my juices flowing.  I went out to breakfast with one of my good friends last weekend, and we have a lot of similar ideas.  She has worked with a mid-singles program down south, and so we got together to discuss new ideas, new needs, things to jump start people into progressing.

My mind has wandered over some of the things we talked about, the needs we see.  I, apparently, am one that people like to delve their secrets to.  I'm not going to give away any of their secrets, or mention any names, because they trust me, and I wouldn't ever want to lose their trust.  However, I may discuss, in general some of these things.

I've mentioned before how people like to tell me their dating problems, and want me to give suggestions, and help them out.  I must have some kind of sign that says "Relationship Coach Here" with an arrow pointing at me.  In the beginning, I would hear tons of things from women.  I now hear it from both sides, and it's weird. 

On a side note:  I do not agree with the women that bash on men, treat them poorly, or baby them the whole time.  I believe men have an amazing potential, and if they're going to ever live up to that potential they need to be treated with respect.  There's nothing more annoying than seeing a wife putting down her husband, treating him like he's an idiot, etc.  It makes me want to... well, to be honest, I think they need a swift kick in the rear.  Being a single, LDS woman, living where the norm is to get married at 18, and being 32, I think to myself that these women have NO freaking idea how lucky they are!  I know there are things that the whole world doesn't get to see in your relationship, but the whole world shoudn't have to hear and see you treating your husband like he's an idiot.  However, MEN, grow up!  Not all men, as I've previously mentioned, there are a great many men out there that are amazing!  Okay... done with that ranting!

Okay, back to the story.  I have people that confide in me inner secrets that a) if they're telling me, they better be thinking we're more than mere "acquaintances", b) I question why, what drives them to inform me (especially when they're big, and I can't be telling others to relieve that weight), and they don't seem to think we have any sort of relationship (relationship, not as in love, but relationship as in trust, friends, able to talk), and c) if they expect me to be able to hear all of it, and live forever knowing it, then they sure as heck better step up and be willing to help me when I ask them a favor or listen to me when I need to vent.

In the fall, I was told something that weighed me down, immensely!  I couldn't sleep that night, because I was so stressed about it.  My TMJ was insane for like the next week, granted there were other stresses that week, but that was a major part of it all.  In fact, since then, generally any conversation with Mr. D, we'll call him, leads to me rubbing my face and taking 6 aspirin.  I've considered Mr. D a good friend, for quite some time, and when we have disagreements, I find myself not sleeping.  Why?  I couldn't tell you!  I know that we're not ever going to be more than the person that he feels comfortable confiding in, and then not talking to for weeks.  It's selfish! 

This is leading me to the pet peeve of the moment... Communication or lack thereof!  I, personally, know that I need to work on improving my communication skills.  You can read about my communication insecurities here.  (It won't let me link you directly to that exact post, but it was a couple days ago.)  Anyways, I think that people don't know how to communicate well.  I think that texting, emailing, facebooking, etc. have all made people not know how to communicate.  A few months ago, a neighbor was over, and he was talking about how his brother works late hours, because then he doesn't have to be communicating with his significant other, because unless he's talking about himself, he doesn't know how to do it.  I for one would much rather text or email than call.  Calling terrifies me, pretty sure I've mentioned that before :)

I was riding home from Salt Lake with a guy, and he was great to talk to... IF... we were discussing him, his work, his family... anything else was so uncomfortable.  Then, again, there are the dates that you feel like you're on a job interview... 20 Questions is only fun, if they're not being fired at you one after the other, after the other.  Ask a question, let her answer, then answer it for yourself.  There is one guy I went out with a couple times, other than him knowing that I love ReAL, which he could've known from facebook, as well.  I don't think he could tell you one thing he learned about me, that he couldn't have learned by checking facebook or watching my interactions when I'm in front of everyone.  We went to a concert in Salt Lake, and the entire ride down, I said maybe two sentences, other than "uh-huh..." or "that's funny."  On the way home, I said "uh-huh" three times, THREE!

Then there is the girl that thinks she is being funny, by saying with a laugh how stupid someone is.  It's not nice.  You know things might not be as they seem, there, either, but putting someone down never makes you look good.

Then there's the person that's a "friend" that knows the ways to break down my walls.  He can tell they're up, and he knows the words to say to break them down, until I'm completely exposed, and then pulls a zinger out!  Really?!  What's the purpose?

Anyways, I'm going to be working on my communication skills!

Friend, Unfriend or Acquaintance list... What to do?!

So, this has been something on my mind lately.  I know that Facebook has it available for you to put people on lists, and then you can pick what each list can see or not see.  Well, who the heck has time for all of that!  A couple of years ago, I had about 800 friends on there, and figured I didn't talk to the majority of them, and I didn't really care about what they were eating, or what gym they were at, etc. so I deleted everyone that I hadn't physically seen or had contact with (more than accepting the friendship on there), and got it down to mainly family, some great friends from school, and church friends. 

Well, as I've met more people and become friends with more people my list has grown.  There are so many on the list that I still don't really know what's going on in their lives, and don't have time to Facebook stalk, like some people do, unless I can't sleep, then I like looking at pictures and stuff.  When meeting new men, I always tell them to friend me on Facebook before I'll ever give them my phone number.  That way I can see what they're up to, and if I'm not interested, I'll add them to the "Acquaintance" list, that way they're my "friend," but they don't see everything I post, and I feel safer.  There's nothing like going on a first date, and not being able to share anything about myself, because they've been stalking my Facebook page.  Like saying, "I was in New York in 2008.." and they say, "Oh, yeah, I know, I saw it on Facebook.  Hey, I needed to know something to talk to you about," and that 's as far as it goes.  Nothing like being cut off on something that you're actually interested in, and returning to the topic of the video game they've been playing for the last few months. 

So, what are the things that make you decide to unfriend or acquaintance list someone?  Sometimes it's too many posts, or I mark them so it will just let me see their important stuff.  Usually, I unfriend someone if their posts are offensive, have too many icky topics or words, or if they are attacking my beliefs and values.  You can have your own beliefs and values, but don't be knocking mine, I don't knock yours.  Not that they've been personally attacking, I just get sick of reading that kind of stuff, so I delete them.  Besides those things I usually don't unfriend people.  I have when my heart's been broken, and seeing the posts and pictures relating to that situation make me sick.  It's like throwing it in my face, and I don't love that!  I love having the abilitiy to "hide" certain posts, however to "hide" the post, I have to already have seen it, but there are times when it just has to be done with! 

It's a strange feeling when I realize that I've been "unfriended."  I only know of a few times, and that's only because I noticed on an event page, and they always list your friends at the top of the list, and then the ones that are no longer your friends are listed right under them, and then the people that you haven't been friends with.  I only know this, because I create so many events, that I've studied it :)

Anyways... those are my rantings for today.  Have a good one!