Really?!, again!

I've been super chatty on here lately, don't know why, but sometimes you just gotta get it off your shoulders and move on.  Well, I do know what got my juices flowing.  I went out to breakfast with one of my good friends last weekend, and we have a lot of similar ideas.  She has worked with a mid-singles program down south, and so we got together to discuss new ideas, new needs, things to jump start people into progressing.

My mind has wandered over some of the things we talked about, the needs we see.  I, apparently, am one that people like to delve their secrets to.  I'm not going to give away any of their secrets, or mention any names, because they trust me, and I wouldn't ever want to lose their trust.  However, I may discuss, in general some of these things.

I've mentioned before how people like to tell me their dating problems, and want me to give suggestions, and help them out.  I must have some kind of sign that says "Relationship Coach Here" with an arrow pointing at me.  In the beginning, I would hear tons of things from women.  I now hear it from both sides, and it's weird. 

On a side note:  I do not agree with the women that bash on men, treat them poorly, or baby them the whole time.  I believe men have an amazing potential, and if they're going to ever live up to that potential they need to be treated with respect.  There's nothing more annoying than seeing a wife putting down her husband, treating him like he's an idiot, etc.  It makes me want to... well, to be honest, I think they need a swift kick in the rear.  Being a single, LDS woman, living where the norm is to get married at 18, and being 32, I think to myself that these women have NO freaking idea how lucky they are!  I know there are things that the whole world doesn't get to see in your relationship, but the whole world shoudn't have to hear and see you treating your husband like he's an idiot.  However, MEN, grow up!  Not all men, as I've previously mentioned, there are a great many men out there that are amazing!  Okay... done with that ranting!

Okay, back to the story.  I have people that confide in me inner secrets that a) if they're telling me, they better be thinking we're more than mere "acquaintances", b) I question why, what drives them to inform me (especially when they're big, and I can't be telling others to relieve that weight), and they don't seem to think we have any sort of relationship (relationship, not as in love, but relationship as in trust, friends, able to talk), and c) if they expect me to be able to hear all of it, and live forever knowing it, then they sure as heck better step up and be willing to help me when I ask them a favor or listen to me when I need to vent.

In the fall, I was told something that weighed me down, immensely!  I couldn't sleep that night, because I was so stressed about it.  My TMJ was insane for like the next week, granted there were other stresses that week, but that was a major part of it all.  In fact, since then, generally any conversation with Mr. D, we'll call him, leads to me rubbing my face and taking 6 aspirin.  I've considered Mr. D a good friend, for quite some time, and when we have disagreements, I find myself not sleeping.  Why?  I couldn't tell you!  I know that we're not ever going to be more than the person that he feels comfortable confiding in, and then not talking to for weeks.  It's selfish! 

This is leading me to the pet peeve of the moment... Communication or lack thereof!  I, personally, know that I need to work on improving my communication skills.  You can read about my communication insecurities here.  (It won't let me link you directly to that exact post, but it was a couple days ago.)  Anyways, I think that people don't know how to communicate well.  I think that texting, emailing, facebooking, etc. have all made people not know how to communicate.  A few months ago, a neighbor was over, and he was talking about how his brother works late hours, because then he doesn't have to be communicating with his significant other, because unless he's talking about himself, he doesn't know how to do it.  I for one would much rather text or email than call.  Calling terrifies me, pretty sure I've mentioned that before :)

I was riding home from Salt Lake with a guy, and he was great to talk to... IF... we were discussing him, his work, his family... anything else was so uncomfortable.  Then, again, there are the dates that you feel like you're on a job interview... 20 Questions is only fun, if they're not being fired at you one after the other, after the other.  Ask a question, let her answer, then answer it for yourself.  There is one guy I went out with a couple times, other than him knowing that I love ReAL, which he could've known from facebook, as well.  I don't think he could tell you one thing he learned about me, that he couldn't have learned by checking facebook or watching my interactions when I'm in front of everyone.  We went to a concert in Salt Lake, and the entire ride down, I said maybe two sentences, other than "uh-huh..." or "that's funny."  On the way home, I said "uh-huh" three times, THREE!

Then there is the girl that thinks she is being funny, by saying with a laugh how stupid someone is.  It's not nice.  You know things might not be as they seem, there, either, but putting someone down never makes you look good.

Then there's the person that's a "friend" that knows the ways to break down my walls.  He can tell they're up, and he knows the words to say to break them down, until I'm completely exposed, and then pulls a zinger out!  Really?!  What's the purpose?

Anyways, I'm going to be working on my communication skills!

Friend, Unfriend or Acquaintance list... What to do?!

So, this has been something on my mind lately.  I know that Facebook has it available for you to put people on lists, and then you can pick what each list can see or not see.  Well, who the heck has time for all of that!  A couple of years ago, I had about 800 friends on there, and figured I didn't talk to the majority of them, and I didn't really care about what they were eating, or what gym they were at, etc. so I deleted everyone that I hadn't physically seen or had contact with (more than accepting the friendship on there), and got it down to mainly family, some great friends from school, and church friends. 

Well, as I've met more people and become friends with more people my list has grown.  There are so many on the list that I still don't really know what's going on in their lives, and don't have time to Facebook stalk, like some people do, unless I can't sleep, then I like looking at pictures and stuff.  When meeting new men, I always tell them to friend me on Facebook before I'll ever give them my phone number.  That way I can see what they're up to, and if I'm not interested, I'll add them to the "Acquaintance" list, that way they're my "friend," but they don't see everything I post, and I feel safer.  There's nothing like going on a first date, and not being able to share anything about myself, because they've been stalking my Facebook page.  Like saying, "I was in New York in 2008.." and they say, "Oh, yeah, I know, I saw it on Facebook.  Hey, I needed to know something to talk to you about," and that 's as far as it goes.  Nothing like being cut off on something that you're actually interested in, and returning to the topic of the video game they've been playing for the last few months. 

So, what are the things that make you decide to unfriend or acquaintance list someone?  Sometimes it's too many posts, or I mark them so it will just let me see their important stuff.  Usually, I unfriend someone if their posts are offensive, have too many icky topics or words, or if they are attacking my beliefs and values.  You can have your own beliefs and values, but don't be knocking mine, I don't knock yours.  Not that they've been personally attacking, I just get sick of reading that kind of stuff, so I delete them.  Besides those things I usually don't unfriend people.  I have when my heart's been broken, and seeing the posts and pictures relating to that situation make me sick.  It's like throwing it in my face, and I don't love that!  I love having the abilitiy to "hide" certain posts, however to "hide" the post, I have to already have seen it, but there are times when it just has to be done with! 

It's a strange feeling when I realize that I've been "unfriended."  I only know of a few times, and that's only because I noticed on an event page, and they always list your friends at the top of the list, and then the ones that are no longer your friends are listed right under them, and then the people that you haven't been friends with.  I only know this, because I create so many events, that I've studied it :)

Anyways... those are my rantings for today.  Have a good one!

"Increase in Learning"

I've been reading this book, I'm not finished yet, and it's taken me some time.  I've just put reading off. I can't tell you how long it's been since I started it, but for a while I was praying for understanding of some things, and I decided I'd start reading this again.  So, opening the book to where my bookmark was, it said, "Understanding is the keystone that is erected upon the cornerstone of knowledge and precedes intelligence. Interestingly, the word understanding commonly is described in the scriptures in relation to the heart...." and then there was a big section on understanding.  Interesting, huh?! 

Then last night as I was reading, I really liked this part it said about prayer.  "We should be simultaneously persistent in and patient with this active process of asking, seeking, and knocking."  I like the word "persistent".  It's an action word.  There have been things in my life that I've prayed and prayed and prayed for, and then after a long time of not feeling like it's even being heard, I stop praying for that.  What's the point?  Well, in the above quote, and then the section following it in the book, he talks about being persistent, while being patient.

He says, "Simply saying the words 'Thy will be done' is not enough.  Each of us needs God's help in surrendering our will to Him.

'Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other' (Bible Dictionary, "Prayer," 752-53).  Humble, earnest, and persistent prayer enables us to recognize and align ourselves with the will of our Heavenly Father.  And in this the Savior provided the perfect exaple as he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane:

       "Saying, Father if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will,

        but thine, be done...   And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly"

Submitting our will to God's will is a theme often emphasized in the scriptures."  ("Increase in Learning, Bednar, 114)

I love that part in the Bible Dictionary.  My attention was first drawn to it reading this blog.  I can't find the exact post on there, it's been quite sometime, but reading any of the posts would touch your spirit. 

I'm grateful for the power of prayer, and that we have a loving Heavenly Father who knows us and loves us!  I'm grateful for answered prayers, and I'm grateful that I know that those seemingly unanswered prayers are still going to be answered, not in my time frame, but in His.

Playlists

What are your top favorite songs you listen to?

I've been noticing things on facebook.  You can see when people are starting a new relationship, and they start posting all of these music videos or songs or whatever about how happy they are.  The same goes for people breaking up.  I bet "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum is the top song posted.  I've seen it so many times!  Some people post it on their profile with the whole thought, that they hope so and so actually sees it, or there's the sending it in a personal message.  I've actually been the recipient of those, and each time have been touched by it.  I'm more the post and hope someone sees sort of thing.  Then, a lot of the time, I just love a song and post it, and then after a few hours, it hits me that someone might read into it, and I worry about that.  

Well, I've been playing around on Spotify.  I have some favorites that have been long-time favorites, then there are new ones.  I love the power of music!  It can calm you, it can trigger deep memories that are fun or sad or dear to you.  It's funny how some songs I relate to someone, and they would have no idea that that song relates to them, but all these memories flood into my mind about them.  I love how some people leave an imprint on your life, it may have been just a short time of you knowing them, but they've impacted you.

I love how music can re-energize you!  I remember driving to work in Park City, which I absolutely hated that job, turning up Kelly Clarkson's second CD, and playing it really loud, REALLY!  It totally made things better.  Dealing with my crazy boss at SFD, Miranda Lambert's Kerosene, was my ringtone for her.  Music is funny!

So, my top five songs right now are (in no particular order :)):

1.  Gentle Savior- Daniel Beck
2.  Over It- Katharine McPhee
3.  Sure Be Cool if You Did- Blake Shelton
4.  Phonebooth (edited version)- Maroon 5
5.  Wanted You More- Lady Antebellum and One of Those Nights- Tim McGraw

Smile and enjoy your music!

Today was a break through day for me.  I've been feeling like I've been in this fog for a long time! Granted I've been on a lot of cold medicine periodically through this time, and even non-drowsy makes me feel groggy for hours after the medicine has stopped working on the symptoms.  So there have been a lot of things along the way that have hindered my progression out of the fog.  Today I was talking on the phone to my aunt, and she asked how I was, and said my normal response, "I'm good."  Then I kind of giggled, because I realized that I really was good.  I maybe could've said I was even great!  I don't know that the whole of the fog is completely better, but for today I'm so WAY better, I can't believe it!  I found this today, and love it!

What Happens When Life Gets One Degree Colder?

I was talking to my mom today, and she'd just listened to a devotional in KBYU 89.1 at 11:00, while she was working on some things in her office, and said it was amazing!  I looked it up, and read it, and I have to say, I was so touched!  You can find it here. 

I loved it!  There were so many great points!  There was a quote in there by Joseph Smith, Jr. that stuck out to me for a funny reason. 

"Hope and courage have always characterized the righteous. Ever the optimist, 
Joseph Smith was once quoted as saying:

I should never get discouraged, whatever difficulties should surround me, if I was sunk 
in the lowest pit of Nova Scotia and all the Rocky Mountains piled on top of me, I ought not to be discouraged but hang on, exercise faith and 
keep up good courage and I should come out on the top of the heap.^7"

 

Optimism, hope and courage are all characteristics I try to have, although, I admit I've not been the best at some of these.  There's always room to improve, right?!

 

So, one of the reasons I loved this is because it says Nova Scotia!  My dad loved to say Nova Scotia.  Whenever we'd ask him where we were going, he'd always say Nova Scotia.  So funny!  I don't know why he picked Nova Scotia, but it was a common name in our household.  Someday, I hope to be able to ask him!

 

Really, though, anyone struggling with anything should read that talk!