New Year, New You!

It's that time of year, where you look back at all that has gone on, and you can see all the ways you've been blessed.  You can see where you've struggled, and decide on things you want to change.

I don't make New Year Resolutions.  I, generally, have time to sit and contemplate the things I want to change at Snowbird.  There's something about being up there, at the end of summer, out in the beautiful mountains, where you can feel closer to Heavenly Father than you do in the crazy, busy-ness that goes on down in the valley.  That being said, I'm not going to post any goals or resolutions, but I want to share some things I'm grateful for.

I have to say that the last year has been amazing in many ways!  Amazing in good ways and amazing in bad ways.  I feel like I've been being a downer for the last while, and I don't like that I've become that way, so I'm working on fixing that (I think I may have stated a resolution ;)). 

I've been serving in the LDS Mid-Singles program in Davis County for nearly a year.  For those that don't know, midsingles are singles in many various circumstances from divorced, widowed, and unmarrieds between the ages of 31-45 years old.  I've probably said this before, but I would never have imagined me being a leader like this.  When I started showing up for the weekly religion classes about 19 months ago, my plan was to attend the class, because I needed the spiritual uplift and get out of there.  I was shy and nervous, and didn't want to be noticed.  Then one day someone noticed me, and welcomed me in, and it felt right, so I stuck to it.  Through this program I have met a lot of amazing people that I have grown to love!  I've also learned many, many things!  Some things I sort of wish I hadn't, but oh, well!  Overall, I can't believe I'm the same person that walked in there not that long ago!  I've been able to step out of my comfort zone, that had me sitting on the back row, by the door, with my phone in hand, so I could escape, to being in front of many, many people and feeling completely comfortable.  I'm not saying that I'm always completely comfortable, but it's been amazing, because I have moments where I'm nervous and shy, but I just have to put on that "leader persona" and I can walk up there and do what needs to be done, and the nervousness and shyness dissipate.  I'm grateful for that!  I'm grateful for the wonderful people I've been able to associate with!  I'm still in shock to think that I accompanied Emmy nominated violinist, Jenny Oaks Baker.  It was thrilling!  Terrifying, but thrilling! 

I'm so grateful for a loving and supportive family!  I don't know what I would do without my mom, my brother, sister-in-law and their kids, and the support I can feel from my dad!  I'm thankful for all of my nephews and niece!  I'm grateful for each of their own identities, with their personalities, talents and all that comes with them.  Ford is brilliant and beautiful and so talented, and knows so much!  I'm grateful for his testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!  Ev is the funniest kid I know.  He's really smart, and is an amazing, athletic boy! Ady is hilarious and darling and my little twin!  Akston has been a comfort to me these past few months, as I get to cuddle him and rock him to sleep.  I am blessed!

I'm grateful for the people I've been able to serve with in young womens.  I'm amazed at the strength of the youth in the stake!  There are so many that have amazing gifts, talents, and testimonies.  I've loved getting to know them and see them grow up. 

I'm grateful for the abilities I've been given!  Heavenly Father has blessed me in so many ways, and I'm so grateful!  I'm in awe, knowing that He knows me, and knows my needs, and loves me.  I'm amazed that I can receive answers to prayers, and that even when I don't like those answers, and I keep wanting different answers, that I still know when my prayers are answered.

I wanted to share this video , as the new year is upon us.  I hope you enjoy it and take advantage of the new beginning that we all have!

In just over a week, the midsingles' conference I've been working on for the past four months will finally be here!  I'm so excited!  I keep worrying that I'm forgetting something, because I'm not too concerned about it, as long as people come.  As previously mentioned here, I've taken on a new calling, in addition to my calling in the stake young women presidency.

It's an awesome thing to be a part of.  I've had some great helpers in this huge endeavor.  I was so nervous terrified to announce to the committee heads that I had this really strong impression, along with the scripture that was to be the theme, that we needed to do a conference in the spring.  I hadn't had much to do with the planning of the one in the fall; I just came in towards the end of the planning and helped out with the finishing touches.  I was scared of their reaction, whether they would support me or not.  If I was more confident in myself, I'd probably be able to announce it in a way that they would just jump on board.  However I announced it, apparently pretty timid, they said they would do it; not that they were jumping for joy over it.  Some seemed way excited, and some I couldn't read.  Seeing that everyone has a full-time job, some have kids, some have school, some are just crazy busy, and we all have our own callings in our own wards and stakes, I've wanted to make this as easy for them as possible.  Apparently to the effect of making someone feel bad, even with my intents being to help out, it didn't.  (Have I mentioned that midsingles range from 31-45?  I am 31, so I'm a baby in the group, and haven't had all of the experience that some of these people have, so I'm learning as I go.)  I, also, have a fantastic high councillor that is so supportive and amazing!  I'm lucky getting to work with two amazing men, in my two positions, that have such strong testimonies in the gospel, that they will do all that is possible for any activity.  I email Bro. Grant twenty times a day, sometimes, depending on what's going on.  He's like an uncle to me; I have way more contact with him, than my real uncles.  I just have to say that I have an awesome stake!  So many people from our stake are helping out in Centerville with my conference, it's fantastic!  I'm so grateful for the individual phone calls, texts and chats that have taken place, to help give me direction and understanding of what I've needed to be doing.

In the process of planning this, I've discovered things about myself.  Some I'm glad I've found, some I hope I can change.  Prior to this, I never asked anyone to do anything.  If I had to ask something, like getting a reservation somewhere, I'd have Collin do it for me.  I've contacted so many people about doing workshops, firesides, concerts, cooking, etc.  Granted a lot of it has been via email, but that has still been a big step for me.  I've been in awe speaking with some of the people I've talked to, i.e. S. Michael Wilcox, even though he was my institute teacher once; and Virginia H. Pearce, daughter of Pres. Hinckley.  Just thinking that I was talking on the phone to a daughter of a prophet was so amazing to me. 

I wish I didn't come across as being a strong woman, not that there's anything wrong with being strong; I'd really like someone to take care of me, though.  The more strength I show, the more I wish I didn't.  I don't like being so independent, and I really don't like doing so much on my own.  If it comes to the point that I need to ask someone to help with something, my first concern is he (she) will think I'm ridiculous, because I can't handle something, or that what I need isn't nearly as important as whatever they're doing.  I worry that I come across as not caring about people or stand-offish, because I don't let myself get close to people.  It takes me a long time to get close, but once I am, I am forever.

I've found kind of a coping mechanism for me.  I'm all business, a lot of the time.  I just want to let go, and socialize; well, that's what I tell myself, but then when I'm in the situation that I can just socialize, I'm hoping for some task to come up, so I'll have a purpose, or I get out my phone.  It's not happening as much as it used to, but every once in a while it sneaks up.  I just have to say that sometimes it's lonely when you're in charge of something.

The other night we went to Get Air in Kaysville, and jumped on trampolines, and it was so much fun!  I had no concerns of needing to get to a task, I was comfortable and having a great time. 

Well, I think that's all of my ramblings, for now.  I wish I could always keep the perspective of everything's going to work out, and not to worry about things.  I'm really good at worrying, though.  I get it from Grandma Mamie!

Whatever the case, I know that the Lord has had His hand in the planning of this conference, and I hope that those that attend will feel that, and know that He knows each of them individually, and loves them.  He has great faith in them, because He knows what they can do, and He wants to see them reach their potential!