I was called to help with a MidSingles conference in January that happened Aug. 5-7.  I've done conferences in the past, with my own committee, and we functioned quite well.  This was with a new committee, with members from across the valley, sponsored by the Presidency of the Seventy for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

When I was called, there was a lot going on in my life, and it felt like an answer to prayers for something to keep m occupied while the guy that I was dating went through the process of "being legally and spiritually" free.  I knew he had a process of things he needed to come to terms with before he'd be ready to progress.  We'd talked about it, and this was going to help me get through that time period.  Little did I know that there was a whole other life going on that he had never shared with me, and 3 weeks later, he texted me to tell me he'd met someone online, and was "head over heels" for her.  Yep, he text me!  What a winner!

I've never been more broken in my life.  For five months, I was a disaster.  I felt worthless, ugly, unwanted, unloved, dumb, etc.  Work has been a trial that is kind of unbelievable and unnecessary. Every aspect of everything felt broken.  I couldn't see why anyone would want to know what I thought of anything.  I'd attend these conference meetings, and I knew how to do it, and I felt a little valued there.  I'd leave feeling that, from time to time, I was appreciated.

The meetings were long, and some were difficult.  I know that I didn't have the best attitude at some, because of my experience, and there were personality confilcts.  Right now I'd say that I grew to love those people, it was great to get to know some of these people so well.

This is a long introduction, but I needed to share it, so you'd know where I was coming from.  As a conference planner or any other activity planner, I've know that you need to keep the Spirit close to you, because the event could make a huge difference in someone's life.  That was my biggest trial this time around!  I was facing doubts I'd never had before.  I'd had feelings of peace and assurances and a blessing from my bishop that led me to believing things would work out, and when they didn't, I felt betrayed, so I distanced myself from the Lord.  I kept doing what I'm supposed to do, but I was broken...

I helped find speakers for this conference, and I had asked the ones I found to send me a title and synopsis of what they were going to teach.  Dallan Moody sent me his, and I immediately knew that his message was for me.  In the past, I'd thought to myself if only one person is touched by this activity, conference, devotional, etc. then that was enough.  I realized that I was the one person, at least for Dallan's workshop.

The conference was amazing!  We had people from all over the world!  As someone that has been a part of the MidSingles program for many years, even before I was one, I had tears in my eyes seeing how many were there.  Another wonderful aspect was that we were allowed to have an Apostle come speak to us!  It was such a blessing!  I don't know that all in attendance knew what a big deal it was, but it was huge!

We had Sister Elaine Dalton as our keynote speaker.  I was kind of star struck :)  She's a lady that I would love to be like when I grow up!  She walked up to me and my friend Chalese, and said she just needed to hug us.  It was so cute!  She spoke about following the prophet and to "not come down".  She was amazing!

We had eleven sessions going on at the same time for the next two hours, and I heard so many great things about all of the speakers.  I wish that I could've heard all of them.  I picked two of those to conduct in, and sitting in each class, I was completely aware that the Holy Ghost had led me to the correct classes for me.

We had three closing sessions going on simultaneously.  Any of the three would've been amazing, and I heard really good things about all of them.  I chose to conduct for Meg Johnson's session.  She's just the cutest lady with the best attitude.  -On a side note, I had just touched up my makeup before this session, and Meg leaned over, and said, "Um, Pyper, I'm going to help you just a little bit, somethings going on right here", and pointed at her eyebrow, which I quickly fixed before getting up in front of everyone. So funny!-  While Meg was speaking, I had this feeling that I was blessed to be a part of this.  This was the first time I'd ever been able to sit in the classes of any conference I've done.  

Saturday night was the activity I was in charge of.  There was a home game for Real, so I decided I'd partner with them to have that be one of the options for Saturday night.  I was thrilled to be able to combine two of my most favorite things, church and soccer :)  We had tailgating, the game and an after party at the AF Pavilion on the east side of the stadium.  I couldn't get just a section for the midsingles, because there are so many season ticket holders.  So, they were interspersed throughout seven sections.  I thought it was fun, because it was something new and different.  Utah doesn't have a lot of professional sports, and many of the MidSingles had not been to a game.  For the after party, we had one rule, you had to have your armband in order to get in.  With 20,000+ game attendees, there had to be a way to differentiate between conference attendees and those that wanted to come in for the live band.  It was a matter of security.  The Real staff were not members of the church, and we, as attendees, had the opportunity to be good examples or bad examples.  If people want to lie, and sneak in, that's up to them.  I had plenty of popsicles, it was just whether or not they would be honest.  There was the Real staff quietly observing the behavior of the attendees and seeing that there were plenty of people who claim to be "righteous" people, sneaking in, and one girl even said, "I don't care if this sends me to Hell, here's my armband," and passed it through the fence. Classy!  Every time I had posted anything about this event, it said that they needed to remember their armbands.  I don't know what else I could've done. Granted these people had not registered for the conference. That discussion with the Real staff was sad. They kept pointing people out that had lied, I knew they had, and I wasn't going to defend them. I just wished they'd thought about how their example weighed on other people. - The popsicles were a fiasco! I ordered 7000 to go for Saturday and Sunday night. Each time I added numbers to the amount I ordered, the pick up location  moved farther north. The guy originally told me he'd deliver them, saying he delivers anywhere on the Wasatch front, and then decided he wouldn't go outside of Davis County. Oh, well. It ended up being a lot of extra work, and a lot of awesome people stepped in to help. One guy on the committee, got yelled at picking them up, and then again at the stadium. It was all a misunderstanding at the stadium, but I felt so bad for the added stress. One of the guys at Real found some cans of beer outside of the stadium, and I took them and have them to the head of security as a peace offering. Never done that before! Our popsicle stresses were not over!-

Sunday night was our closing devotional. I was excited to get to sing with the choir, but ended up dealing with popsicles, and missed out on that experience. We were running around outside in 100 degree weather, and got into the chapel right around the time they asked us to be reverent, so that when Elder and Sister Oaks walked in the spirit would already be there. I don't know why I have ADHD hit every time I'm supposed to be quiet! I was dying of the heat, sweat was pouring off me, and I was so tired that my laughter was uncontrollable! I tried to be quiet about it, but I was getting dirty looks from some people. Haha!

I loved having the Oaks there! They were so hilarious! I loved seeing their interaction and seeing them more like everyone else. I decided I want to be just like Kristen Oaks when I grow up! There was part of what she said that was word for word what I had said to my mom about how I was feeling, and once again, I knew that the Lord knew me, who I am, and is aware of me. I'm so grateful for that reassurance!

I learned many things during this process, but the one thing I learned again was that my Heavenly Father and older brother, Jesus Christ, know me and love me. No matter what the outside world tells me, I matter to Them, and that is what matters. I will continue to serve and do all that They ask of me. I'm really grateful for the amazing people that I've had the privilege to meet through the gospel of Jesus Christ. There are so many wonderful people that I've been blessed to know- friends, other MidSingles, and really great speakers that I know have had their own trials and are such strong examples to me. I'm so grateful!

A letter...

Hey You,

You know who you are, even though you tried to ignore me at Maverik the other day. For some reason you have been the hardest broken promise to get past. I'm sure it would be easier if I didn't have to see you ALL the time.

I guess the hardest thing is just understanding. If I'd not been lied to and used for months. You were my friend long before you were more. You came in through the back door. My guard was down, because you were you. You made so many promises and so many plans. I just had to wait, that's what you said.

While you were so caught up in your pain and heartbreak, did you not see what you were doing to me? Why didn't you care? We talked about it, you talked about it. Empty words. You just kept taking and taking, promising to give, but never fulfilling those promises. Instead you'd show up, flirt- make sure I was still there when you needed me- as a confidence booster, a babysitter, a secretary, someone who loved you, a cook. That was me. I did those things. All the while loving and waiting.

You couldn't even be honest, face to face. I had a feeling, but I don't know how you get your eyes to lie, because they told - even at Maverik- tell another story than your cowardly text message did.

You profess humility and kindness, but are so focused on you. You'll never see this, but I had to get it out of my system.

Be kind. Be humble. Be grateful.
Me

I've read this blog "The Moments We Stand" for a long time.  Although our stories are extremely different, and I have not gone through anything like what she has had to go through, I've found myself relating really well to what she has to say.  She tends to post things that strengthen me, right at the right time.  Today on Instagram, she posted this picture of a sign that said "I am a happy person, and I have lots of friends" and talked about how her daughter had an ongoing thought that was not a true statement about herself, and needed to recognize the truth.  I had just been thinking about that.  Satan has a way of influencing us, when we don't even realize it, with these negative thoughts that we listen to and dwell on. 


I had an uncomfortable situation with one of my design clients this week, that made me have really negative thoughts about my abilities.  Then there's been the last few months of feeling like I'm not good enough, since this last breakup.


I've felt completely broken, and feeling broken in one area of my life has weighed down other areas.  I keep seeing things working out for everyone else, and nothing working out for me.  I rarely answered the phone when people would call, except for business calls.  So when this client situation happened, I totally believed that I was broken, and never going to be good enough at anything.


That's totally a lie!  Just because one part of my life feels broken, that doesn't mean it'll never be fixed- or that I'm really broken.  Just because one client had all these crazy demands with her hyper pregnant hormones, didn't end up liking my efforts, doesn't mean anything.  You're never going to please everyone, it doesn't make you less of a person. 


While I've been dealing with this broken feeling, I've been praying and praying and praying.  For the first maybe 8 weeks, I was not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel.  Nothing was improving, and I was feeling more and more broken by the second.  As I was praying and not feeling like my prayers were being heard, I was in this downward spiral, knowing that nothing was ever going to get better, and having no hope.  That's not the way the Savior works, He wouldn't have wanted me to feel that way.  I was completely open to the influence of the adversary, and I was letting him in at every turn.  One day I was talking to my mom, and said, "It would be so hard to be someone that doesn't know that there's a plan, and that there's a Savior," talking about a sad situation going on on the news.  She said that I would know, because that is how I'd been acting for weeks.  That was when I realized that I needed to make a change.


My Savior was there for me, at all times, I just wasn't letting Him in.  I had blocked Him out of my life.  I occasionally have gone back to that broken mess, but I don't stay there long, because there is a plan, I may not see or understand it, but I trust that the Lord knows better than I do what I need.


In the past few months, I've grown, and I'm grateful.  I've had more design experience, been able to try new things in that realm.  I've learned more in depth info about cabinet fabrication, and learned new ways to deal with difficult situations.  I've taken my camera out, and just enjoyed taking pictures of the beauties that I drive past as I drive all over creation for my jobs.  I bought a punching bag, and love using it!  I'm out looking for things that bring me joy, and it's fun!


I know I can stand!

Once upon a time there was a girl that had lots of dreams.  As she grew up her dreams changed with her, as she changed.  However, her biggest dream remained the same.  Through many experiences, that dream has not come to pass.  She's had many amazing experiences that she never would have had, had her dreams come true when she planned they would.

Now many years later, as once again, that dream was crushed, she struggles with what to do next.  Where is she going?  How does she overcome this?  The usual answers aren't helping this time around.  Her friends, at least that she thought were friends, are so busy with their own lives that she feels abandoned.  She wonders what she could have done differently in the situation at hand and in her friendships that appear so distant.  Reflecting back to the situation, she has no regrets, with her behavior, she regrets trusting.  Trusting someone that had been a part of her life for many years, but his role had changed, and she trusted him.

Now it's a new beginning, and a different path.  That path just appears to be blocked.  Life is hard.  I am grateful for a family that supports me so much.  My mom, brother and his family are such a comfort, even if none of us know what to do next.  I'm so grateful for a little guy that sends me messages right at the right time.