October... So Not my Favorite!!!

Often people are so excited for October. The fresh, crisp air, the cooler temperatures, the changing colors, etc... Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all of that! However, October is full of sadness for me! I try to not to dwell on things, and keep going, because there's nothing else to do, but it's still there. People that haven't lost a loved one won't understand what I'm talking about, but the empty feeling is overwhelming at times. You don't really talk about it to "outsiders," because you don't want to make them uncomfortable, and you don't know how they feel about the subject. Some friends say it's totally fine, but then act kind of nervous when you're talking about it. That's totally fine, and I understand that. One day I got a message from a guy friend of mine that said, "one day you'll have to tell me about your dad..." It was the first time any guy has said anything like that, and only really close friends have ever asked about him. I was so impressed, because my dad is part of who I am, and sometimes I feel that not talking about him is denying his existence. I know it's not, but there are so many parts of me, that are because of him, that I think it will help people know me better. So, that being said, I try to not let it affect me, but it does. I'm the type of person that never wants to hurt anyone, so instead of saying anything, I just hold my feelings inside, until they burst! Well, the same thing happens with this hurt I feel inside. I hold it in, and don't talk about it much. I don't want to make my family hurt, so it's a subject that we are very careful about. We talk about him a lot, but on those actual days, we struggle to. Anyways, so that hurt stays inside, but tends to make me very tense, at times, and sometimes a little more fiesty than normal. I tend to get my feelings hurt more easily. This time around, I cry, I cry easily! So things that aren't such a big deal, and then other things that really are a big deal to me, I just cry. Not the best way to win friends and influence people :S. I'm not going to say that I hurt anybody, because I don't know that I have, but I do know I've made someone(s) mad at me. I'm sorry for that! I was reading Neal L. Anderson's talk "Trial of Your Faith", and see that the challenges for me aren't as big as many that others are going through. It created a self awareness that I needed to see. I love general conference! Let's just say, I'm really glad that October is nearly over! I hope that I'll get back to being my normal, happy self. I hope that I still have friends when it's done :)