Grandma Mamie

On Saturday, December 4, 2010, my sweet little grandma passed away.  It's amazing, I can't believe how fast she was gone.  When she left Apple Village, she was doing so well.  She had three wonderful days at Legacy Village of Layton, but then they didn't care for her very well, and that was the beginning of the end.  We moved her to North Canyon Care Center in Bountiful on Nov. 9.  I've said this before, but I am so grateful that I was able to be with her as much as I was.  In the end, I was with her twice a day for many hours.  I couldn't bare to have her be alone.  Especially the last week of her life, I was there as much as possible.  We left her on Friday night, not even guessing that that was really going to be our last time to see her, alive.  We had asked them to call us, when the signs were getting closer together.  However, there wasn't time.  She had thrown up, and the nurse went out to get something to clean her up with, and returned 30 seconds later, and she was gone. 

Here's her obituary...
"Mamie Church 1915 ~ 2010 Mamie Price Church, 95, passed away on December 4, 2010 in Bountiful, Utah. She was born on October 1, 1915 in Midvale, Utah to Milan and Eva Derikrava Prica. Mamie married Dan Church on September 25, 1935 in Midvale, Utah. She loved cooking Sunday dinners for her family, gardening, crocheting and spending time with her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Her entire life was devoted to serving others. Mamie was baptized a member of the LDS Church at the age of 88 and loved her visiting teaching assignment. She was sealed to her family in the Jordan River Temple at the age of 90. Survived by her daughters, Darlene (Earl) Nelson; Colleen Nicholes; son, Max (Faye) Sluga; seven grandchildren; 17 great grandchildren; three great-great grandchildren; siblings, Mitch (Norma) Price; Ann Theos; Amelia Price; Don Price; Ellen Parmley; many nieces and nephews. Preceded in death by her parents; husband, Dan Church; son-in-law, Sanford Ross Nicholes, Jr.; grandson, Russell Phipps; nine siblings. The family would like to thank the CNA's at Apple Village Assisted Living and the staff at North Canyon Care Center for their loving care. Funeral services will be held at 11:00 a.m. on Thursday, December 9, 2010 at the Midvale East 2nd Ward, 7250 S. 300 E. Friends may call one hour prior to the services. Interment, Midvale City Cemetery. www.goffmortuary.com "

I'm going to explain a little bit about her family listed in the obituary...  Grandma had two daughters, Darlene and my mom Colleen.  Max Sluga is actually her nephew on my grandpa Dan's side.  Grandma and Grandpa took care of Max a lot, when he was a kid, and he lived with them while he went to college.  In 2007, he was officially adopted into the Dan & Mamie Church family, as their son, and on the records of the church, he is listed as their son.  Grandma was thrilled when this happened, because she had always loved Max and knew that Grandpa did, as well.

My heart is broken, I miss her so much!  She is a major part of who I grew up to be.  I'm so glad I was able to have her so close, and be able to help her with anything she needed.  She devoted her life to serving family, friends, neighbors, and those who were in need.  She had to quit school in the 8th grade to raise her siblings, she babysat her great-grandchildren into her 90s.  When I grow up I want to be like her :)

Love you, Grandma Mamie!  I'll miss you forever!

I was reading in 3 Nephi the other day about the destruction that happened in the America's during the three days between Christ's crucifixion and resurrection.  Every time I've read this, I've read it at it's face value.  The people were destroyed, because of their wickedness.  However, this time, while I was reading, I had an overwhelming feeling of while the people in the Americas were being destroyed, the feeling of those people that were Jesus Christ's disciples in Jerusalem, what Mary, his mother, was feeling.  My testimony grew so much from my position on the Colonade, during The Savior of the World.  I'm so grateful that I was able to feel the powerful affirmation, once again, of His life and what He went through for me!

Update...

It's been a weird, rough month.  It's been extremely busy, extremely! 
We did get to participate in an amazing show!  We were part of Savior of the World.  I have to admit that the time commitment about killed me.  It kept getting bigger and longer daily.  I had a bad attitude for some of the rehearsals.  However, as the dress rehearsals and performances came, I loved it!  There was the greatest spirit there.  It was such a blessing to be touched by the spirit every time we sang the songs.  It was amazing to see how people in the audience were affected by it.
Grandma Mamie was kicked out of Apple Village, because she has become a two man transfer.  As we were looking for places to move her, we happened in at the new Legacy Village retirement center in Layton.  It was the same distance away as Apple Village.  It would be perfect!  We went in and talked to the director, after we explained the two man transfer thing, he said it sounded like it would work, and he'd send someone out to evaluate her.  This Tiffany, who is the marketing manager, came out and evaluated her.  After talking to Mom and the CNAs, she said there would be no problem.  She called the next day to say that she'd been approved by the directors of the facility.  So, we stopped looking.  Then they had their nurse, Kelly, come out and evaluate her and interview me and the CNAs.  She approved her.  That was on October 21st.  We moved her in on October 25th.  We got her there about 1:00 p.m., and by 7:00 p.m. they were saying "this is just not going to work.  we'll give it a few days, but she'll have to go."  Fan-freakin-tastic!  After Darlene spoke to her attorney, and then brought that up, they said they would give her a 30 day notice, which is the law.  They kept saying, "we're just concerned about what is best for Mamie."  Mom said, "No, you're not.  You were only concerned about having enough people here (they had to have 3 people before the health dept. will come out and evaluate them, before they can open.  Grandma was #2.)  This hasn't been about Mamie, it's been a business deal."  So, that's where we're at.  The one person there, that I actually can stand, but still don't know what part he had to play in this, has been "trying" to help us find somewhere to go.  All of his options were extremely pricey! 
Oh, Mom's car blew up while we were driving in it over UEA.  That was thrilling! 
Anyways, there's an update.  Busy and tramatic and annoying as it is!

Agency

Just a thought...


Today in a meeting an interesting topic was brought up.  We were discussing different talks at General Conference that stuck out to us.  Of course, someone was going to bring up President Packer (check it out here:  http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-23,00.html).  We were sent here with our own agency.  We can make any and all choices we want to, because of the gift of agency.  Say, I was born to be a murderer.  Would I or could I NOT be a murderer?  Would I have a choice or would I be out murdering people, since I was born that way?  Our Heavenly Father would not take away our agency, so using this example, because Heavenly Father gave us our agency, I could decide whether or not I was going to be a murderer.  It would be my choice.  I'd never thought of it that way!

I love this!!!

During conference, Elder Lawrence of the Seventy talked about our youth theme for the year:  Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."  I love this verse!  It's one of my most favorite ones.  It's such a wonderful promise, that He is here, no matter where and when.  I loved how he applied it to the parents of the youth right now.  I think it is so important that the parents are strong and have good courage, to stand up for what needs to be done.  I liked how he talked about how if you saw your daughter sitting on the train tracks and heard the train horn honking, would you run and get her off the track or be worried about offending her and let her make her own decision about getting off.  The train is a physical threat, but there are so many other threats that aren't, that parents need to step up and take care of.  I loved it!

In other news... ReAL is in 1st place for the first time ever!!!  (Except of course, winning the actual MLS championship last year).  Of course, this will be ending in about 20 minutes, when the LA Galaxy vs. Chivas is over.

TIM MCGRAW!!!

I got Tim McGraw tickets for my birthday!!!  It was at USANA on July 30th.  He's hot!

This looks like a cartoon!

I've gone to Tim every time he's come over the last 12 years.  The concert was awesome!  The crowd was ridiculous!  I can't believe the decline in the type of people that were there.  Collin and I stood out in the crowd, because we were dressed modestly and not drunk!

Lady Antebellum opened for him.  We were late, because I needed to eat first and Collin needed Dad's cowboy hat, so we had to go back to my car.  I was way sad, because I'd missed out on hearing them at a different concert, because of traffic.  Right after we sat down, they came out.  I was so excited!

Blessings... :)

I am so grateful for the many blessings my Heavenly Father has given me!  It's amazing to see the power and love of God daily!  As many of you know this summer has been a huge struggle!
 Here's just a few examples of the Mighty miracles that have taken place in my life...

• First of all, my family doctor had suggested that I have a gallbladder ultrasound in May '09.  I didn't, because he said I should wait until I have insurance, which I never got.  I know this doesn't sound like a miracle, because obviously he had a concern.  However, the blessing in this is that, because I didn't have that ultrasound at Tanner Clinic, I didn't have to be treated for this at Davis Hospital.  (Davis Hospital is so scary!!!)  So, because of my lack of insurance, I didn't have to suffer through being there.
• My surgeon, Dr. Varela, is really young (and cute :)).  The procedure (T-TUBE) has not been done for decades.  The fact that he knew this from so long ago, and was able to make it work IS a miracle.  Every injury or sickness I have ever had is always worse on me then it is on whoever gave me the sickness, so I just planned on that.  Overall recovery was easy!
• The many priesthood blessings I received.  The wednesday after my surgery, my liver numbers were still extremely high.  I called Collin for a blessing, and the next morning, my numbers were near normal.
• I have never felt better in my life!  I never realized how sick I actually was until the past two weeks where I have felt amazing! 
• I've had a sinus infection for the last five weeks.  Instacare had said it was a virus, and wouldn't give me any antibiotics.  So, I went to the aforementioned family doctor, and because Collin and his son played on the same comp. soccer teams, and he's known me, he gave me a free doctors appt, and prescribed me some antibiotics, that are working quite well!  Thanks Collin and Krystal for your help here!
• My business has been quite slow, and piano lessons have been at a minimum with people moving and going on vacation during the summer.  So, it's been a financial struggle, not to mention my hospital bills and no insurance (more on this later!).  Had business been good, there is no way I could've done it during the last few months with me being so sick, having surgery, and the six week recovery.  However, within the last week, I've had four design contacts and new piano students referred to me.  I start work on a house next week and new piano kids in two weeks! 
• My hospital bills were over $34,000.  My surgeon was about $2500.  The anesthesiologist was about $2500, as well.  There is no possible way that I could do this on my own.  I'm extremely grateful for the kindness of those that are close to me that have helped with this situation.  The hospital has financial assistance and they've been amazing.  Up until today, they were taking care of 80% of my surgeon's fees, and about 89% of some of the hospital bills, and no word on the largest part.  So, I've been able to pay the doctor, except for $25 that will be taken care of soon.  Today I got a bill in the mail saying that I owed $24,862 that was due in full on August 10.  I was having a total meltdown, so I called the number on the bill to really hear my balance.  After hearing it, I was pretty certain it was mistaken or not all inclusive.  So, when I got home, I got online to check.  All of it was there except the anesthesiologist.  My total balance is just over $300!

I am completely humbled and so extremely thankful for all I've been given!  I know that the Lord's hand has been in all of this.  It's His plan, and I am in awe!

A crazy month...

It's been a horrendous, sad, painful (both physically and emotionally), miraculous few weeks.  Here's how it went...

On May 18th, ALee called me and asked if I'd heard how Grandpa was doing that day.  I hadn't yet, since I'd been running around seeing Mom at her Arts' Week performances and awards night, and teaching piano.  I decided during that phone call that I was going to switch my piano lessons for the next day so I could spend time with Grandma & Grandpa.  So, I quickly rearranged my schedule and got down to AF before 10:00 in the morning.  At the time Grandpa was sleeping, but he soon got restless.  He was antsy wanting to get out of bed, but his legs weren't strong enough.  He hadn't been eating and the nurse said not to give him food unless he asked for it, because they were afraid of him choking.  He asked for some shredded wheat, so we got him up and he ate some, then he said, "Can I at least get some juice?"  It was kind of cute!  Then he wanted to go back to bed.  We got him in there, and he never really woke up again.  As we have Grandma Mamie on hospice, I've been told signs to look for in the death process, I saw it was happening, but could not believe it was really happening, because he seemed so strong.  I couldn't bare to leave.  I knew when I kissed him goodbye that I was kissing him goodbye for the last time, in the back of my mind.  I had to come home to teach piano to one family that couldn't change, so I left, so not wanting to leave Grandma alone, and not wanting to leave his side.

At 6:23 a.m., on May 20th, Grandma called and said, "Ross is gone, and I can't talk more..." 

The next 5-6 days were kind of a whirlwind, but at the same time slow motion.  There was a peace in Grandma's house.  I didn't feel peace about Grandpa.  I'm glad I got to spend that day with him.

The peace came.

Since about Mothers' Day, I'd been feeling pretty crappy!  I thought it was acid reflux.  The pain persisted, sometimes increasing, sometimes just being a dull pain.  The day Grandpa died, the pain left.  The pain started around Memorial day, again.  On June 1st, the pain was so horrendous, that I didn't sleep that night until 5:40 a.m. on the 2nd.  I had made an appt for June 3rd, so I was biding my time.  As many of you know, I have no health insurance, so I was just waiting until then.  I went to Cory's graduation dinner at the Olive Garden, and by 7:00 I was in tremendous pain.  I couldn't ride in the car all the way home, so we stopped at Grandma Mamie's house, so I could lie down.  We got home a little after 10:00, and by 2:00 a.m., I couldn't handle it one more second, so we went to the ER.  At the ER, they gave me some fantastic medicine, and ran some tests.  The ER dr. came back and said I had a really sick gallbladder that he'd like to get an ultrasound, but that there wasn't a tech to do it until later, so he sent me home at 5:00 something.  I returned to the hospital for an ultrasound at 9:40 a.m.  After the ER dr. saw the results of the ultrasound, she said that they needed to get me in for surgery soon, "so, what does the rest of your day look like?"  I was amazed it was that urgent.  She called over to the surgeon to see when he could do it, and he couldn't until tuesday, so that was the plan.  Then, they had me go over and meet him.  he explained what was going to happen, and said there were ways to have the surgery be sooner, if absolutely necessary, but to take the pain meds, and he'd see me on tuesday.  He said if I was running on pain pill to pain pill to call him, and he could change things.


Friday morning I woke up to yellowish eyes and yellowish skin.  I called the nurse to see what I should do, because it was listed as a "serious side effect" to the medication.  After she called around to the pharmacist and doctor, they decided I needed to go in for an MRI at 9:35 p.m., so I was running on half a sandwich all day.  The MRI was about 24 minutes long, and thank heavens for KSOP not having many commercials, I was able to make it through commercial free!


Saturday morning I felt horrific!  I waited around to hear the results, but then called in around noon.  No one was going to be there until 1:00 to read the MRI.  So, I waited.  I asked for a blessing and Derrick, Seth, and Michael from our ward came and gave me one.  It was very nice.  Right after the blessing the dr called and said I needed to go to the hospital immediately, and that he'd already have me admitted by the time I got there.


Saturday night-  I had to have a scope down my throat to get a gallstone, that they thought was blocking the bile duct of my liver.  I had adult jaundice.  The surgeon that was going to do that, told us he was the best in the nation at this procedure, and that the national average was 90 min., and he could do it in 7-9 minutes.  Well, after the procedure he came out and told Mom that there wasn't a stone there, but there was a toughness that wasn't normal, and may be a tumor.  (Mom kept this a secret from me.)  


The liver numbers are supposed to top out in the 50s, mine were in the 322+ range.  They said my numbers were too high to perform the gallbladder surgery.


Sunday morning 5:00 a.m., the dr decides he has to do the surgery.  Laproscopic gallbladder removal takes 45 mins. to an hour, and recovery is 2-3 days.  So, that was the plan.  Now remember it was Sunday, and the hospital didn't have it's normal staff.  So,  while in the surgery, they couldn't get my gallbladder out laproscopically.  So, my 45 min. surgery turned into 4 1/2 hours.  My poor mom sitting out in the waiting room was never told anything.  She just had to wait and wait.  I feel so bad for her!  They had to hold down my intestines to carve out my gallbladder that was stuck to some other organs.   They had to use a T tube, which is from like 30 years ago, and they never do those anymore, but it apparently worked.


Five days later, I was released from the hospital with two drainage bags and a lot of pain.  Today I had my first check up since, and I came home with only one bag, which I'll have for the entire 6 weeks of recovery, and no more staples!  The pain is still quite severe, but is manageable, and hopefully one day, I'll be able to eat anything I want.


I'm so grateful for all of the prayers that have been offered in my behalf and the blessings that have been given.  I'm grateful for all of the visitors and phone calls and flowers from everyone showing their love and support.  I know I've been blessed through this, and that the Lord is watching out for me.

Grandpa Ross...

"Sanford Ross Nicholes, age 76, passed away May 20, 2010 at his home in American Fork, Utah. Ross was born Feb 2, 1934 in American Fork to Howard Wing and Hope Hatton Taha Nicholes. He married Orpha JaNae Batchelor on Oct 13, 1953 in the Salt Lake Temple.

Ross has many titles. Most important, a loving husband, and second most important, Dad. The funnest title he holds is that of Grandpa. Many experienced his great love for cooking. He learned to cook while spending time herding sheep during his younger years. His reputation in the kitchen gave him an opportunity to serve an LDS mission cooking in the cafeteria at the LDS Cannery in Lindon. This was an 18 month mission, but after three years he was released to share his other talents elsewhere. This reputation also got him a job as a hunting camp cook. For tips he received money, hats, and even a pair of shoes. It’s rumored that he received a $100.00 tip once. As a family, we loved to eat the fruits of Ross’s labor. However, the family favorite is his homemade ice cream. Over the years, whether waiting for ice cream, prime rib, or any other time, Dad could be heard playing the spoons.

All through Ross and JaNae’s house and yard is evidence of Ross’s love of woodworking. The plans for the arbor in their backyard were taken from a 2x2 picture from a magazine. When most people say, “They have had a change of heart” they are referring to a change in attitude or a decision. Ross had a literal change of heart in July of 1989. From time to time one would hear him say, “I’ve had a change of heart.” Ross’s heart transplant gave him 20 extra years to witness all the events of his growing family. Ross has always been a farm boy. From playing on tractors in his youth to his Kubota, to his last tractor, a Sears riding lawn mower. He has loved being on a tractor, and the grandkids took advantage of getting rides anytime they could. Though Ross was somewhat of a kidder, he wasn’t much of a game player. In recent years Ross and JaNae could be found sitting at the kitchen table playing 5 Crowns; many times at Ross’s suggestion. Of all the games the two of them played, it is thought, unfortunately, that Ross ended up with the losing record. And he was okay with that, because he was spending time with his life long sweetheart.

Survived by his wife, JaNae, his children, Colleen Church Nicholes, Todd (Jeanne) Nicholes, Juli (David) Larsen, Bartley (Jennifer) Nicholes, and ALee (Jason) Blake, 20 grandchildren, 16 great grandchildren, his sister Sydney Thomas, and his brother Doug Nicholes. Preceded in death by his parents, his son Sanford “Sandy” Ross Nicholes, Jr. and 2 brothers, Frank and Tracy Nicholes.

Funeral services will be held Tuesday, May 25, 2010 at 11:00 a.m. in the American Fork 5th Ward Chapel, 380 South 300 East. Visitations will be held Monday evening from 6 to 8 pm in the Anderson & Sons Mortuary, 49 E 100 N, American Fork and Tuesday at the church from 9:45 to 10:45 am prior to the services. Burial, American Fork Cemetery."

I've been hearing about people who blog and inspire readers, strangers to become better people. I'm amazed by how open some people are sharing their i nner struggles. For example, watch this: My New Life. Today on http://studio5.ksl.com/, there was a woman who blogs to help her with her weightloss. She was something like 289 lbs., I think she said. Here I am weighing a ton less than that, and would not share that amount if my life depended on it. I am totally impressed!

While listening about these people that are blogging to inspire, it got me thinking about what inspired me to start blogging. I have to admit, in the beginning I thought blogging was dumb. I understood people like Tyler & Becca who live in Africa or Deric & Stephanie who live in Germany, but I thought me living her within an hour of most of my relatives, why blog? Then I listened to Elder Ballard (I THINK) about how we can use the internet to share the gospel. I'd been told previously, by a guy in Hungary that I'd never make a good missionary, because I don't talk much :). However, even if I don't talk, I sure can type, so that was one of the reasons I started to blog. Another reason was that I knew someone that had such negative things to say about the church, that I wanted to be a voice out there, maybe to balance out.

Anyways, I hope that somewhere out there, I may inspire someone to be happier and to love life, no matter what cards they're dealt. That is my goal!

Isn't this beautiful? It's in front of the Ogden Temple. I'd been admiring the tulips, and finally remembered my camera!

So, again it's been a while...

Here's what I've been up to...

I don't think I ever even talked about Mom's surgery. She had a torn miniscus in her right knee. She had surgery on March 18th. She should've gone in and gotten it taken care of sooner, it was originally injured on Dec. 17th. She kept putting it off, because of all of her many responsibilities. It ended up that the tear was larger than they thought, and that because of the damage she got arthritis in her knee that got pretty bad. She went to choir 3 days later, even though she wasn't supposed to. She's doing pretty well now. She's pretty sore this week, but she's continuously getting better.

Look what We Made...

hOmEMaDe DoNuTs!!!

Just a short post...

I haven't been posting anything for a while. I was dumb and broke my internet card, so I haven't had much access, except for running to Amy's or Collin's, so life has been pretty busy. Mom had surgery on her leg. She's still in a lot of pain, but hopefully on the mend. I've been working out a lot, and have lost 18 lbs. in 4 weeks. I'm pretty excited about that! So, there you go. I'm looking forward to conference. I have tickets to Saturday morning's session. Anyways, hope everyone is doing well.

Grandma Mamie...

Yesterday, my cousin Ashley brought up her baby, Ember to meet Grandma Mamie. Ember is Grandma's first great-great grandbaby.

Grandma goes in and out of responding to people. She's generally sleepy midday, so I didn't have much hope for her to even be awake. She was bent up in her wheelchair, like she does when she's sleeping, but her eyes were open, not wide, but still open. Ashley put the baby seat right next to Grandma on the floor, and Grandma's eyes just opened up. She kept just looking at her, and mumbling. She's not a loud talker, anymore, if she's going to talk at all, you really have to listen. Anyways, I caught that she was saying "Baby" and just looking at her. While the rest of us (Darlene, Terri, Erikka, Ashley, me) were chatting, I noticed that Grandma was reaching for the baby. To have her aware is such an amazing thing, but to have her trying to touch her was really neat. So, Ashley and Darlene held up her chair and she held her hand and just kept her hand on her. After they put the chair down, she put her hand on the handle, and I helped her rock her for a while. It was so cute, and brought tears to my eyes!

Five generations... amazing!

It's been a While.....

So, I don't know why, but I guess I've been so busy blogging on the stake young women blog that I've become a slacker on mine. So what's been going on since January, you may be asking yourselves (probably not, but just in case) :)

Beyond my piano lessons, my interior design work, and the many meetings and activities I get to be a part of in young womens, I've developed a new routine. Now I'm not going to say that any of these are "addictions," some of them might be getting close, but I'm sure enjoying them. Nearly every morning, I turn on some music (lately it's been on shuffle between Carrie Underwood, Lady Antebellum and Darius Rucker). After I'm ready for the day, I play the piano for a while. Whether it's 10 minutes or a couple of hours (depending on the day), I really don't care, as long as I get to have that wonderful experience of using my talents, even if I'm the only one that gets to hear it. (ONLY, as in the only one at home, but as many people have said, they can hear it outside, so other people do have to put up with it.) I love to play with my cricut. It's so much fun! (This one might be one of the close to addictions!) I love to make cards. I love to cut things out. I love making posters advertising for YW activities, even when it's so time consuming. I've lessened my time on the computer, which has felt great! I'm trying to read at least one book a week, beyond my regular scripture reading, some books take longer, but it's really fun! I love learning! No, I'm not going back to school, EVER, but it's fun learning on my own. Then I end my day with a workout on the wii. I love this EA Sports workout. I've only had that for a week, but I'm loving it! Oh, and ending my day with a heart racing workout, causes me to be up and at it, at the crack of dawn and have tons of energy!


Here's just a sample of one of the cards I made...

First time...

I recently was called to work in the stake young women, as the secretary. I'm so excited! Today was my first time to teach a lesson to anyone older than eight, in church. I was nervous when I first found out, but I was amazed to see the Lord's hand in what I was supposed to teach. We were given a topic, but we didn't have a lesson book or anything. This was another first for me. Well, I guess if you count sharing time, it really isn't the "first" first, but it was different. I'm so grateful for the power of prayer, and that I can receive personal revelation through that prayer!

Infinite Power of Hope

Click on the link below to watch a great message!

Infinite Power of Hope

So, I had a new philosophy that I decided I was going to live by today. It was "Hope for the best, but expect nothing." I was thinking this was a fantastic way to look at life, maybe a little negative, but safe. Safe. However, after thiniking about it on my drive home from AF today, I decided it was wrong. Doesn't the Lord say something about asking with real intent? If I ask, but then expect nothing, then why would He answer my prayer? In my mind, I was thinking that I'd still go out with the intention that I needed. I think it was a way to help me refocus, so I don't get disappointed. This was only my philosophy from when church ended until I drove home, so it wasn't that long, but I do have to work on changing my mind set. Anyways, that was my new thing of the day, a philosophy that lasted a mere 6 hours.