I learned a lesson the other day that I think Someone has been trying to teach me for a very long time! It's actually a lesson that I learn over and over again, but tend to lose sight of it over and over again. Sometimes I'm amazed with that. Why can't I learn my lesson, and just move forward? I don't know, but hopefully I get a bit better each time I go through this.
I'm okay. I'm happy. Things aren't how I pictured them to be. I don't know why things have been so different from how I dreamed them and what I planned. Lately I've been seeing posts on Facebook that say things like, "Now I know that Heavenly Father's plan for me is so much greater than I had planned, because of this little miracle" or something to that effect. I'm very happy for them, and that they have their miracles.
In a combined lesson at church with relief society and elders quorum a few weeks ago, the instructor wanted us to discuss, with our neighbors, our successes. The first thing that my good friend mentioned were his kids. This is where my mind goes first, too. I think of all of the successes in my life, but the fact that I haven't had a marriage and kids always makes me think, "I'm successful at these things, but..." I think it's just part of growing up here, where everyone gets married and has their whole family by my age.
On my birthday I was talking with my uncle and some of his kids. I was telling them about what I do with the MidSingles, and where/how I see myself in relation to that. I realized that for the first time in a long time, I felt completely comfortable talking about all of that, and didn't feel like half a person around them. How weird is that to feel like you don't count, because your circumstances aren't like what everyone expects.
There's no need to feel like that. I doubt anyone, besides maybe one or two people that have to constantly point out that there's something wrong with me, because of my circumstances, that would ever think of me like that. I don't need to think of myself like that, either.
I guess in my own way, I received my own little miracle, too.
1 comment:
"How weird is that to feel like you don't count, because your circumstances aren't like what everyone expects." This made my heart ache - not only for the way you've felt in the past, but I have felt that too, at times. Different circumstances for sure. For me, it was the "D" word. Divorce. Nothing like having PUBLIC RECORD of one's FAILED marriage. It took me a while to also not feel "less than" because of my circumstance. I have come to believe that the doubt you speak of is definitely a tool of Satan. Thankfully, I had and continue to have great friends. I am grateful I never strayed from the church - even through times in which my testimony was weak. Listening to conference was always (and still is) such a boost for me.
I love the woman you are becoming!
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