Trust

I learned a lesson the other day that I think Someone has been trying to teach me for a very long time! It's actually a lesson that I learn over and over again, but tend to lose sight of it over and over again. Sometimes I'm amazed with that. Why can't I learn my lesson, and just move forward? I don't know, but hopefully I get a bit better each time I go through this.

I'm okay. I'm happy. Things aren't how I pictured them to be. I don't know why things have been so different from how I dreamed them and what I planned. Lately I've been seeing posts on Facebook that say things like,  "Now I know that Heavenly Father's plan for me is so much greater than I had planned, because of this little miracle" or something to that effect. I'm very happy for them, and that they have their miracles.

In a combined lesson at church with relief society and elders quorum a few weeks ago, the instructor wanted us to discuss, with our neighbors, our successes. The first thing that my good friend mentioned were his kids. This is where my mind goes first, too. I think of all of the successes in my life, but the fact that I haven't had a marriage and kids always makes me think, "I'm successful at these things, but..." I think it's just part of growing up here, where everyone gets married and has their whole family by my age.

On my birthday I was talking with my uncle and some of his kids. I was telling them about what I do with the MidSingles, and where/how I see myself in relation to that. I realized that for the first time in a long time, I felt completely comfortable talking about all of that, and didn't feel like half a person around them. How weird is that to feel like you don't count, because your circumstances aren't like what everyone expects.

There's no need to feel like that. I doubt anyone, besides maybe one or two people that have to constantly point out that there's something wrong with me, because of my circumstances, that would ever think of me like that. I don't need to think of myself like that, either.

I guess in my own way, I received my own little miracle, too.

Changes

The last few months have been full of pending changes and weird transitions. My emotions have been all over the place! One day I'd be so anxious for it to be done, and the next I'd be dreading it.

As you probably know I've been leading this group of MidSingles, ages 31-45, of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for about 2 1/2 years. It has been an amazing period in my life full of great experiences and extremely trying experiences. All of which have made me into who I am today. I've been released from my job there, and I've had mixed feelings about it, but I know that it's time, and there's something new ahead for me. I just don't know what, and that is part of the mixed emotions.

The transition has been going from what I've been working on, to being merged into a new MidSingles ward, which is an answer to many prayers. I was out to dinner with a friend the other night, and we were talking about these transitions. He came from a different ward, and hadn't participated in my stuff before. He kept saying he didn't even know where I was coming from, and doesn't fully understand my emotions. I've been able to be involved with so many midsingles with various situations and backgrounds, that these transitions worry me for the ones that are feeling left out.

I've had a lot of time to reflect on things that have happened over the last few years, and I'm thankful for that. Between two Sundays I saw every guy I've dated in the last three years. Weird! Through that I was able to reflect on the changes that I'd gone through because of them. I found myself being grateful for all the experiences. Even though they didn't all bring positive changes with them, I'm grateful for the experiences.

Anyways, I'm grateful for all I've learned and the many wonderful people I've gotten to know! Looking forward to what's ahead! I'm sure it won't be easy, but it'll be a ride!

Christmas... The Nativity!

For the month of December, I've been studying in the New Testament.  I actually started in Luke and am in John, so I'll need to go back to Matthew and Mark.  As our Christmas devotional was coming and Mom and I were able to go to the Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert yesterday morning (it was a busy day!), I've been thinking about Christ's birth, and the circumstances and other people at His birth.  I'm really lucky to have the score to "Savior of the World", so I've been able to play and sing through those songs.

1.  Mary.  I can't even begin to imagine how Mary felt with all of that.  When she says, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it unto me according to thy word."-Luke 1:38  I am so amazed by her faith.  If I had just an 1/8 of that faith I would be a much better a person.  I tend to question everything, like I know I've received this answer, but I still don't see how it's going to play out, and I question it.  I've learned that I want to be more like Mary!

2.  The inn.  There Mary is about to have a baby, and Joseph is doing all he can to get her somewhere safe and clean, but there is no room in the inn or any other inn.  John Rhys-Davies was reading Luke 2 at the Tabernacle Choir concert yesterday, and as he read the part about having no room in the inn, I pondered if I ever have felt like there's no room here.  Have I ever been so sucked in on something, whether it be the busyness of life, whether this or that is going to happen, technology, etc. that I haven't let there be room in my heart for Jesus?  A few things came to mind of things I need to be better at.  How often do we not have room?  Just a thought...

3.  The shepherds. The shepherds were out there watching their flocks, for their whole lives they'd been told of the prophesies of Christ's coming to save the world.  Could you even imagine what they felt when they saw that new star shining so brightly in the sky?  Here was the sign they had been waiting for for forever!  We're so lucky to have the scriptures that we can read the prophecies, read of His life, death and resurrection, and all of the revelations since. 

4.  The star.  The star was the sign of His coming.  It was so bright, welcoming and announcing the birth of this baby that was going to be the "Light of the World".  I often think of the light that we share with each other.  Some people have this bright glow about them, sometimes the light dims, but we are all blessed with this light, and we get to share it with others.

5.  The baby.   Born in a manger in a stable in Bethlehem.  I'm so grateful for that baby!  I'm grateful that because of Him, and his atoning sacrifice that we can all be saved!  Families are forever!  He atoned for our sins, our hardships, our sadness, our happiness, our joy.  I am forever grateful and will always strive to do what He would have me do!

Watch this!