In just over a week, the midsingles' conference I've been working on for the past four months will finally be here!  I'm so excited!  I keep worrying that I'm forgetting something, because I'm not too concerned about it, as long as people come.  As previously mentioned here, I've taken on a new calling, in addition to my calling in the stake young women presidency.

It's an awesome thing to be a part of.  I've had some great helpers in this huge endeavor.  I was so nervous terrified to announce to the committee heads that I had this really strong impression, along with the scripture that was to be the theme, that we needed to do a conference in the spring.  I hadn't had much to do with the planning of the one in the fall; I just came in towards the end of the planning and helped out with the finishing touches.  I was scared of their reaction, whether they would support me or not.  If I was more confident in myself, I'd probably be able to announce it in a way that they would just jump on board.  However I announced it, apparently pretty timid, they said they would do it; not that they were jumping for joy over it.  Some seemed way excited, and some I couldn't read.  Seeing that everyone has a full-time job, some have kids, some have school, some are just crazy busy, and we all have our own callings in our own wards and stakes, I've wanted to make this as easy for them as possible.  Apparently to the effect of making someone feel bad, even with my intents being to help out, it didn't.  (Have I mentioned that midsingles range from 31-45?  I am 31, so I'm a baby in the group, and haven't had all of the experience that some of these people have, so I'm learning as I go.)  I, also, have a fantastic high councillor that is so supportive and amazing!  I'm lucky getting to work with two amazing men, in my two positions, that have such strong testimonies in the gospel, that they will do all that is possible for any activity.  I email Bro. Grant twenty times a day, sometimes, depending on what's going on.  He's like an uncle to me; I have way more contact with him, than my real uncles.  I just have to say that I have an awesome stake!  So many people from our stake are helping out in Centerville with my conference, it's fantastic!  I'm so grateful for the individual phone calls, texts and chats that have taken place, to help give me direction and understanding of what I've needed to be doing.

In the process of planning this, I've discovered things about myself.  Some I'm glad I've found, some I hope I can change.  Prior to this, I never asked anyone to do anything.  If I had to ask something, like getting a reservation somewhere, I'd have Collin do it for me.  I've contacted so many people about doing workshops, firesides, concerts, cooking, etc.  Granted a lot of it has been via email, but that has still been a big step for me.  I've been in awe speaking with some of the people I've talked to, i.e. S. Michael Wilcox, even though he was my institute teacher once; and Virginia H. Pearce, daughter of Pres. Hinckley.  Just thinking that I was talking on the phone to a daughter of a prophet was so amazing to me. 

I wish I didn't come across as being a strong woman, not that there's anything wrong with being strong; I'd really like someone to take care of me, though.  The more strength I show, the more I wish I didn't.  I don't like being so independent, and I really don't like doing so much on my own.  If it comes to the point that I need to ask someone to help with something, my first concern is he (she) will think I'm ridiculous, because I can't handle something, or that what I need isn't nearly as important as whatever they're doing.  I worry that I come across as not caring about people or stand-offish, because I don't let myself get close to people.  It takes me a long time to get close, but once I am, I am forever.

I've found kind of a coping mechanism for me.  I'm all business, a lot of the time.  I just want to let go, and socialize; well, that's what I tell myself, but then when I'm in the situation that I can just socialize, I'm hoping for some task to come up, so I'll have a purpose, or I get out my phone.  It's not happening as much as it used to, but every once in a while it sneaks up.  I just have to say that sometimes it's lonely when you're in charge of something.

The other night we went to Get Air in Kaysville, and jumped on trampolines, and it was so much fun!  I had no concerns of needing to get to a task, I was comfortable and having a great time. 

Well, I think that's all of my ramblings, for now.  I wish I could always keep the perspective of everything's going to work out, and not to worry about things.  I'm really good at worrying, though.  I get it from Grandma Mamie!

Whatever the case, I know that the Lord has had His hand in the planning of this conference, and I hope that those that attend will feel that, and know that He knows each of them individually, and loves them.  He has great faith in them, because He knows what they can do, and He wants to see them reach their potential!